INFP

The Butterfly

Would rather take the long way than act against itself

You carry a measure, and what it measures is whether this squares with who you are. People read you as easy-going and unassertive, but on the questions that actually count you don't move — your form of holding firm is withdrawal: if it isn't right, you don't do it, rather than standing up and fighting. Far more happens inside you than shows; many things get rehearsed at length and never said. You expect a great deal of the world, which is also why it wears you down faster.

Where you move easily

• You feel genuine empathy rather than performing the technique of comfort, and people can tell the difference.
• On refusing to act against your own values, your floor is harder than almost anyone's.
• You can turn feeling into words, images, or some other made thing — which most people cannot do.

What it tends to cost

• You treat “they should know” as having communicated. An unspoken expectation, when it fails, only hurts you.
• Criticised, your first move is to doubt your whole self rather than the one thing at hand. That amplifier eats an enormous amount of your energy.
• You'll abandon something entirely because it isn't pure enough, which is why workable things keep stopping halfway.

At work

You need meaning, some autonomy, and a relatively gentle environment. High pressure and pure performance-ranking make you doubt your own worth. You shine in roles that call for creativity and empathy rather than standardised process. Deadlines do work on you — best when they're deadlines you set yourself.

In relationships

You take relationships seriously and give everything once you're in. Which is exactly why you fear conflict and swallow what you really think to keep the surface calm — and that is precisely what hollows a relationship out over time. You need someone who can hold your real feelings, and one moment where you're willing to speak first.

Worth trying

• Tell the other person one expectation you've been holding silently.
• When criticised, write it down: this is the thing he named, not the person I am.
• Take something shelved, lower the bar, and finish it. Let it be a sixty out of a hundred.